Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I want a musical about memes.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
