Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
