I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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