Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
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found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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