you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
