I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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