The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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