If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
