Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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