I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
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I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
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All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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