My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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