DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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