Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
