just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
