pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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