Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
