Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
