i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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