i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
No I am not eating basil off your cock
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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