Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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