i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
