a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
