She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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