why didn't you poke me back
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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