I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
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I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
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I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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