What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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