I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
