I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You ruined the universe
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize