I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
