I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
