So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
