May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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