We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
