It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
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