idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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