you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
