It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
