Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
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i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
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I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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