The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
