I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
