Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
