How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
