i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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