And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
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