If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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