New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
