Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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