he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
