ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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