At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
