Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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