We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
