I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
