i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
