white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
