I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
