I never want to see another naked old woman again.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
