Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
