I didn't shave. On purpose
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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