Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
