im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
