Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'm bleeding and have questions
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
