Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
she peed on how many people?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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