She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
