we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
