Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Are we still banned from the library?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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