yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
