I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
