Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Still dying that you shit outside
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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