i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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