Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
