Will you blow on my dice?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
